The MakeUp:  A Finchel OneShot
by coriswriting
Summary: Rachel needs Finn to know the meaning behind her actions.


The Make-Up: A Finchel OneShot

She wrung her hands as she stood on his front porch, tears stinging her eyes. She knew he would probably slam the door in her face, and she knew she deserved it. But she had to try. _ Rachel Berry does not go down without a fight_, she told herself, not when it comes to performing, and never when it comes to losing Finn Hudson.

Rachel Berry had done a lot of things in her life she wasn't proud of. Her insecurities had led her to make many mistakes that had caused her to further alienate people around her. Hell, she had once sent an innocent girl to a crackhouse for an audition because she felt threatened by her talent. But kissing Puck was by far the worst act that her lack of self-esteem had led her to commit.

Yes, she was to blame for the things she had done. But if the world only knew what it felt like to be her, to be constantly beaten down and outcast, they might understand. Rachel Berry, however, had no interest in explaining herself to the rest of the world right now. The only person she needed to explain to was about to open his front door.

As Finn Hudson opened the door, Rachel was taken aback by the wounded look in his eyes that had not changed from that horrific moment earlier that day.

"I have nothing to say," he grumbled without looking up. He couldn't bear to look her in the eye. He was still reeling over how someone who had so recently adored him could hurt him like this.

"You—you don't have to, Finn. I could never hope to gain your forgiveness after what I've done, but I need to make you understand why I acted so horribly. Even if you don't love me anymore, I need you to hear this. Please, Finn," she begged, tears rolling down her cheeks.

He just stared blankly as she dropped to her knees in her skirt and tights.

"Please, Finn," she sobbed, "please!"

He couldn't take it anymore. As fiercely angry as he was, he couldn't just leave her on the step like that, crying on her knees. He opened the door wordlessly, leaving her enough room to step inside. He continued to look at the floor as she sobbed, "Thank you, Finn. Thank you for—forgiving me a chance to explain."

Rachel took a deep breath and gathered her wits about her as she began to speak.

"Finn, I know who I am. I know that people just don't like me. And over the years, I've just gotten used to it—not having any friends, being picked on constantly, having slushies thrown in my face. But sometimes things get so bad, I just—it just hurts so much, and it gets to me. And I start believing it. When you've been treated this way all your life, Finn, you start to believe that you're worthless."

She choked back tears as she continued, "I love you so much, Finn. But last year when you told me you didn't want to be my boyfriend so you could date Brittany and Santana, I felt like I was nothing. And of all of the insults that have been thrown my way over the years, of all the cruel things that have bruised me, none of them have hurt as badly as the things Santana has said to me. Because you picked her over me once. The horrible things she says to me are just magnified a thousand times because I've always been so scared that you agree with her, and I've just been deluding myself into thinking that you could ever really want me over her. And Finn," her voice fell to a trembling whisper, "you never say anything. You've heard her cut me down time and time again, and you..you just let her hurt me, as if it's okay for me to be treated that way. And so when I find out that this girl, who I feel so threatened by, has a piece of you that I will never have, I feel more worthless than you can ever imagine. And again, Finn, you said nothing. You could have told me that I had nothing to worry about, you could have comforted me. Instead, you said that she was "super hot". You've never said that about me, Finn. Then I see you flirting with her in the hallway, at the same time that I'm trying to convince myself that I should forget about this and it's me you really love. But you didn't do anything to make me believe that."

Her long eyelashes wet with tears, she went on, trembling, "So yes, Finn, I wanted to hurt you too. In my heartbreak and loneliness, I thought that by kissing Puck, I might make you jealous, that I might make you understand what it felt like to be me. I felt so badly about myself, I thought that the only way to make you want me was to think that someone else could want me too. Now, I know it was stupid, mean, horrible, and the worst thing I've ever done, and I will regret it for the rest of my life, especially if it costs me you. I regret the act that I committed, and I am so, so, sorry...but I can't apologize for the feelings that provoked it," she finished.

For the first time since their breakup, he looked into her eyes. It was as if he was looking at her for the first time. The high-strung diva, the talented overachiever who voiced her every opinion, was nothing but a trembling little girl who thought no one could love her. _How had he let this happen?_ he asked himself, _how could he not see what he had done to her? _The guilt crept into every bone in his body as every memory of him slighting her and looking on as she was mistreated came rushing into his brain. _I was her boyfriend, _he said to himself_, it was my job to protect her, to make her feel special, to make her feel like she was worth a damn. And I failed. Miserably._

As Rachel looked up at him, awaiting his response, he gently placed his hand on her cheek. Hope flickered in her eyes as he began to speak.

"God, Rach," he whispered through tears, "I am so sorry. I can't believe I didn't see what I was doing to you. I—I drove you to this, and I never even realized what an asshole I've been."

Rachel's tears flowed freely as she brimmed with the realization that he hadn't given up on them.

"I—I won't make excuses for myself...but I just worry too much about what people think of me. I never said anything to Santana about the way she treats you because I was too worried about jeopardizing my own popularity. I've gone along with the stupid flirting with the Cheerios because I wanted them to think and tell everybody else that I'm cool...and I never thought about how it made you feel, Rachel. I haven't been the man you need me to be, but that's all going to change right now," he assured her.

Rachel gasped through her tears as Finn got down on _his_ knees, taking her hands in his.

"Rachel, you are super-hot. You are beautiful. You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on. No one can do what you do to me, Rachel. Don't you ever, EVER, say that you're worthless, that you're nothing, because you are everything to me. Do you understand?" he pressed.

Rachel nodded, weeping. "Finn, I'm so sorry for what I did, I'm so sorry. I love you, okay? I love you, Finn Hudson. I—I-"

"Shhhh," he whispered, cradling her face in his hands and leaning in to kiss her softly. They tasted the salt of each other's lips in the passionate kisses of two people who would never part again.

_No, Rachel Berry doesn't go down without a fight_, she thought to herself, _but she doesn't have to do it alone anymore_. At last, she knew that she and Finn would spend forever fighting for each other.


End file.
